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I guess, you probably have decided to give up right? I think so... because I have that strong feeling too.
No matter what, I still respect your decision. Because I believe you have spent very long time to consider before you got the final answer.
Thus I also strongly believe this final decision will really good for you too. No any doubts, I won't question it...
There is something I really hope can learn from you even I know it's not easy for me. But since you've proven that it's actually can make it, so it makes me believe that is possible too. 5th May 2007, 14th July 2007, and 4th August 2007, I will always remember these dates.
I sincerely hope you're fine and be happy always. No matter what happen in the future, you still have my support and wishes...
Every story or movie not necessary to have a happy ending, but at least should have a beautiful ending to let audience satisfied and enjoy it. If it end unexpected or not in the right point, what would you feel? You probably would feel that movie is suck, wasting time and money... In real life also the same, if you don't want to continue or even start a relationship, why don't just give it a beautiful ending? The starting maybe unexpected that I can understand. No one is perfect, people making mistake that's normal. When you know it is a mistake, should you give it a solution or just waiting the other party to solve for you? And you're not blur, you clear-headed all the problems are really existed. You've pointed out all the problems having between us. You have good sense better than mine. Since it's so clear, why still can make a firm decision? What's lacking? A courage to decline? Would that excessive to wait the other side to make this decision for you? If I am the one who caused all these problems, I will be brave enough to overcome it. But is that really my problems? I have spent very long time but still can't think of any...
Living in the world, almost everyone is selfish. I start can't have reason to be good to someone anymore. Human automatically would only think about them self at first that's very ordinary being. Slowly, you'll part of them without any force. It's a weak point that everyone can't avoid. If human living is because of hurting each other, why not throw my love my heart into sea, make it disappear forever ever...
No matter what, please don't dragging each other. You still owe me a word of renouncement...
Something that I just realized lately. I won't be really care how much that you care about me anymore and I won't desire to get that from you. You treat me bad, that's the way you treat me good too. So when the time you really wanna leave, I believe I won't be upset much. I'm just a person who pass by in your life and you're just a person who don't know how to appreciate me, nothing is bad to lose a person that never given you any happiness. Memory can't recall any happy things that bring from you. When a relationship break up, it would feel very sad and very pain because it brings you a lot of happiness before. If it never, what do you sad about? Yes, I don't have any reason to feel sad...
The worst thing in life is you've got numb of the feeling. You don't expect the thing would turn good anymore because you face a lot of failures. Bad thing happen to you it won't feel bad anymore because already get used to it. You pretty understand it would be fine after. You clearly understand that you can start it over again, then fall again and get well soon. Living a life like that, I can't find the meaning of it anymore. Why don't stop somewhere else just before we totally lost and turn ourself to focus on other things? At least the feeling inside us as a human still remain and we may transform it into other kind if is possible. Wouldn't that better to keep our heart warm instead of getting cold?
If we own a heart which is cool one, are we still a human?
we're in the position which is uncertain.
seems like I am losing the direction right now.
it's kinda hard to step forward or move back.
I guess we never really move on.
thus you make it hard to be faithful.
have question myself whether want to give up.
who is the one thinking too much? you or me?
I start having doubts, the one who I seeing is genuine you?
missing someone is an illness.
it needs time to get recovered.
will I heal from sickness or it will take longer term?
I have no answer for this time...
It's time to examine myself. We human need to examine ourself from time to time. And I almost forgot how long I didn't do it to myself. Thanks to one of my friend. Her words kinda sharp and straight to the point. At first of course it wasn't feel good to listen, but after a deep thought, I should appreciate her comments no matter it's sincere from heart or it's not.
From her words, I roughly know she was trying to criticize I lack of responsible when it comes to something. Yes, I noticed that. We human sometime have our weakness, I admit that I not good in that and I won't give myself any of nonsense excuses just to act like that's not my fault. Will remind myself and try to improve to be more responsible person in the future. Just give little time to me okay? I'm in learning stage all time and it keeps growing slowly. I'll not only want to be strong, but also want to be tough enough...
Sometime we can't use our own measurement to assess other people. I think it's not right to do so. I never had high expectation to some people who not good in something. Not because of I don't want get disappointed neither I don't want to motivate them to improve themself, but I know their limitation and how much they can do. And also some people you know they would never listen to you and won't accept any of your opinion. They think they are much better than you, and who you are? You're not qualify to criticize them just because you're lower educated. When having conversation to these kind of people, I'm speechless...
Lately, the mood is not good as before. No matter what I think, sure it comes to negative side first. When a person always think of negative side, no matter how many opportunities around, I probably will miss it because of anything to me also won't work at first thought.
偶尔迎望蓝天，也感觉灰淡淡的，
也许乌云盖心，阴沉心情像下雨。
I'm so sick of some attitude which keep repeating to me. I just don't understand, is this the way how people treat now days?
I guess I very clear of what I am doing, because I don't want do something that might make myself regret in the rest of my life. I moved my first step, I try to do as much as I can even I've failed many times before. I didn't expect much of the return, but at least don't take it like I suppose to do so. And shows out the proud and confident face. We human often forget to take care of other people feeling when in a conversation. Why can't you appreciate more and respect more what others have done to you? Maybe you don't know, maybe you don't understand, I just feel discomfort to this kind of attitude. Why don't make thing simple, and see whether if it works together.
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold ours...
I just wonder why every time when I have made up my mind. Somehow something sure happen to spoil me up. It seems to be okay the past few months, well I can handle the situation and had good control on my emotion. I thought I was there and know where I am standing. But it just a few messages that can make my mood turns up and down... Why it can't just leave me like that... why?
Today, drove to the same road that I used to be there so often. Not I wanted to go there, but it just happened coincidence. It made me can't avoid keep thinking the past... Sigh... memories that used to make me felt very happy but now turned my mood deeply down...
hmmm... alright! Are all these experiments trying to torture me and testing my strength? Go ahead then, see how hard I can take! Because I will overcome it one day!
